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So how do we help break the cycle of abuse? Well here are my thoughts on this, gleaned from my life experiences and the wisdom of those who know more than I about life. First, we need to teach our youth to have self respect. I'm talking both male and female. First off we need to teach our children the value of human life. That honesty, integrity, modesty, and virtue are key to being a good person. Teach them that nothing is more important than treating people with respect, and expecting them to treat us with the same. We need to teach our youth that virtue, and I mean chastity and the correct behavior to keep chaste will go a long way toward keeping us from getting into an abusive relationship. If someone doesn't respect your standards before marriage, afterward it only gets worse.
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A case in point. When my mother became divorced from my first stepfather, she met my second stepfather. If mom hadn't already been a sex abuse victim as a tiny girl at the hands of her real father, she would never have dated her second husband. She was easy prey for this man as she was sweet and forgiving, and thought that she deserved what she got in the way of abuse. I know he hit her before they got married, but she would say that they had an accident or something to cover up the abuse. He could be very charming when in public, and was with us before they got married, but afterward it started right away. He was gone all week logging and she was a stay at home mom, pregnant with my little brother. He would come home on the weekend, go to the bar and get drunk, then come home and beat her brutally. We would lay in the dark, fearful that he would start on us next, or kill her it sounded so awful. I can still to this day, after 37 years, hear her cries when I think about it. In talking to my stepsister she said that he would abuse her mother as well. So it wasn't something mom did, it was him. This shaped the way I reacted to men, and thought about myself as well. I was also a rape victim during all this, almost killed, and so that also had an impact on the boys/men I dated. Luckily for me, as a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, I found the love and healing power I needed to eventually get beyond that. Unfortunately mom committed suicide and never found the healing power of God.
I was going to go through the signs of an abuser and so forth, but here is a link to domesticviolence.org where you can find out more. They say it much better than I could. Please, if you know someone who may be in an abusive relationship get them help. As someone who has lived through it the abuse victim often feels ashamed and hopeless. They need support! There is a number to call: National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 and TTY 1-800-787-3224. Help stop the cycle!