The Elephant In the Room - Actions Have Consequences

There's so many ways to approach this topic, as the emotions I'm having are washing over me like a river. I'm not one to run to heartache or pain, it's not something I want to dive into and wallow around in, but right now it's almost unavoidable. For far too long though, I've not let myself feel deeply, the profound sense of loss I'm feeling right now. Sure, it's always lurked around in the back of my mind, but I've tried to avoid thinking about it as it isn't productive to dwell on something you can't change.

It's a good thing my husband is gone right now, as I need a couple of days to just sit around and cry when the tears overwhelm me. The quiet and opportunity to grieve alone without having to think about anything I don't want to is a blessing. I'm too emotionally tied into the needs and wants of others, and often deny myself the chance to just sit and ponder and feel.

So where am I going with all of this? What is that elephant in the room that everyone walks around, but pretends isn't there? Even when we bump into it by chance, or slam into it by choice, we act as if it's not there, because we want what we want when we want it, and don't want anyone telling us we can't have that "thing" or do that "thing". We don't want to acknowledge that actions have consequences that impact those around us, often for the rest of their and our lives.

There was a time when most people believed that physical intimacy outside the bonds of marriage was wrong. Everyone knows where babies come from, and at one time that wasn't something to be taken lightly. In fact when girls or young women got pregnant out of wedlock, families found a way to deal with that, either with a shotgun wedding, or sending the girl off to live with relatives, or in a home for unwed mothers. The understanding was that this wasn't something to celebrate, and more often than not the pregnant person lived in shame and carried that around for the rest of their lives in one form or fashion. I'm not going to say that was a good or a bad thing, because shame or guilt can be a motivation for not making the same mistake twice. Often though, the shame and guilt is there regardless of how anyone else treats the situation. Actions have consequences, and in the case of sexual relations, they can have a far reaching impact that doesn't go away for some, ever.

I'm certainly not here to judge anyone, as only God knows the intent and desires of our hearts, and He sent his son, Jesus Christ, to atone for the poor choices we all make at times. I've made some very big mistakes myself and still regret them to this day. As I start to gather the bits and pieces of my new found siblings life stories, along with allowing myself to face and deal with the profound sense of loss in my heart, it's something that can't be ignored.

There are many in the world today that say there's nothing wrong with doing whatever you want to do, as long as it doesn't hurt others. But for every action, or even inaction, there is an impact on those around us, for good or bad. Just because it's something you want to do, and enjoy doing, doesn't make it okay. The heartache that I've lived with most of my life, and others in my family as well, comes from the choices of others. The heartache my children have gone through comes in part from poor choices I've made.

As I write this my hearts desire is to perhaps get people to think. In working through my pain, and by sharing my pain, I hope to encourage discussion. We live in a world that would use the story of my heartache, and the heartache of others to justify abortion. They say that if you just get rid of the baby no one gets hurt, but that's so misguided, not true, and is selfish. If my mother had had the choice of abortion, and made that choice, her heartache, pain or shame wouldn't have gone away. Much like the profound sense of loss I'm feeling right now, she would have suffered, as she did anyway. A child is the very essence of who we are. No feeling woman can have an abortion without the emotional impact and sense of loss anyone feels at losing a family member, because that tiny life growing inside the womb is family. That little person is made up of bits and pieces of not only our bodies, but our ancestry. I have two family members I know of that have dealt with life long struggles of alcohol and or drug addiction due in large part to having abortions. Their living children have suffered as well. It has been a heartbreaking thing to see their struggles and not be able to help them.

Part of the discussion we should be having is about the sanctity of life. The mantra from the pro-abortion crowd is women's rights are human rights. How humane is it to brutally mutilate and or poison that tiny life growing inside you? How humane is it to tell your daughter, sister, or other family member that you will be there for them if they do this, and that things will be much better this way? Wouldn't it be much more humane to teach our daughters and granddaughters to respect themselves, to understand that life is sacred, and we must do all we can to keep it sacred? That if we accept responsibility for our actions and don't make another wrong choice, we can find a peace that abortion will never ever bring.

My situation might have been much different had my parents been talked to about intimacy, the why and why not of marriage versus being intimate outside the bonds of marriage. That was something not talked about back then, you were supposed to know.... We as humans are way too smart to put that to chance. We can't assume our children will understand the deeper part of intimacy, the part they don't teach in sex ed at school, that yes, you will have these strong and sometimes overwhelming desires and emotions regarding being physically attracted to someone, and here's why you shouldn't let those feelings run away with you. We should be teaching our children how to avoid getting into a situation where passion rules instead of rational thought. Parents should be taking an active role in knowing where their children are at all times, and help their young people set appropriate boundaries and curfews. Our children should know that the desire to be intimate is God's gift to those who get married, a way to bond a man and woman together emotionally, as well as spiritually. It's part of  God's plan to bring us to earth to live this earthly part of our eternal journey. Without that gift, none of us would be here.

I know so little about my father, but I know enough about my mother and her life story to know that she was a good person who was deeply hurt emotionally and spiritually by the actions of others. She never intended to cause this much pain and heartache in my life, nor do I think did my father.  From the little I've gleaned so far he felt things deeply, and I'm guessing was very hurt by my mother. They were young, and foolish, just as I was at that age. I also had the adults around me telling me conflicting things, and in my own lack of self esteem my life choices reflected that.

In our modern day and age, we should and we must move forward, not backward in society. We must teach our children better than we have been doing! And if they make a mistake, we help them work through that, not by teaching them to avoid responsibility for their actions, but by encouraging them to make the choices that will have the most chance for success and happiness. Regardless of whether you believe in a Heavenly Father, we as earthly parents have a solemn obligation to get serious about this thing we call life, to speak and teach truth. Actions DO have consequences, and that elephant in the room will continue to take up valuable space and time in our lives unless we learn to be unselfish in our actions.

I'm feeling a little better now, as I get this in writing. Oh, that life's lessons could all be as easy as putting pen to paper to work through our struggles. There is a place I can go though, to find help to heal. It's on my knees in humble pleading with my Father in heaven that I can find that peace, and get the relief I need. I have a lot to look forward to in the months and years ahead. I have new found family to get to know and embrace, and what an exciting adventure that will be. That will be a huge part of the healing, not just for me, but my siblings as well, because we are all a part of the essence of our earthly father.

So I am facing that elephant in the room. I don't regret being alive, even with the pain and loss and heartache I've experienced, and am feeling right now. Pain can teach us, it is to learn from, not be embittered by. I will talk about that elephant now, and acknowledge it rather than pretend it's not there. Hopefully it can be used to teach and help others.....

Angels Among Us - Called to Serve, Going the Second Mile

This post isn't about Santa Claus, but in essence about the many giving men out there in the world today, men of faith, who do what they do without monetary compensation, because they've been called of God, to serve their congregations as bishops or in other leadership positions. Most importantly, they do what they do because they carry the light of Christ in their hearts.

One such man was my in-law's neighbor. He has been bishop several times over the years, most recently of a young single adult congregation. At the time he still had a full time job, yet he was also in charge of a a group of young adults of probably around 300 members. He and his two counselors not only saw to the spiritual needs of the congregation, but their physical and emotional needs as well. Our church has a unique leadership organization in that there are never just one person taking care of a group of people. Each leader typically has two counselors, and each organization whether over the women, priesthood, children or youth, have designated positions to help the bishop in his role as "father" of each ward, or branch, our terms for each congregation.

While this particular man was tending to his "flock" and working full time, caring for a wife who suffers from a debilitating illness, he still took the time to do things such as install guard rails for my in-laws after dad took a tumble. He would clear their driveway after each snowstorm, along with their sidewalks and the neighbors around him. Any time mom and dad needed something, he was there, and you can be assured that he kept his eyes open to their needs as they didn't ask for help unless it was an absolute emergency. What a blessing for us as we lived over 100 miles away at the time and couldn't be there all the time to help.

He is one example of the many men I've known, and known of throughout the years who don't get paid to serve their church, yet there they are, whether they live in Australia, or Iceland, Malaysia or Africa, sacrificing their time, their talents, their means to lift others. They are men, rich and poor, who will see a need and fill it, not caring about race, or religion or economic background. They work their full time jobs, they tend to their families, they serve in their communities, and they serve their congregations. They go beyond what is asked of them, because they care. They truly go the second mile.

What Independence Day Means to Me

Not just a day to picnic or play at the beach, today is the day to remember the great men and women who made it possible for us to live in a free country. Were they perfect? No, but they were far better than we credit them for today. That's a different topic for a different day though. It's also a day to remember the blessings we all have the opportunity to enjoy.

There are many countries in the world today where people live in fear of bombing attacks, famine, or natural disasters, all while struggling to make a living for them and their families. Their lives are in constant turmoil due to political unrest, the greed of their countrie's leaders, and restrictions placed upon them by their government. We in America have the privilege to go to school, succeed or fail, speak freely, and live in relative ease compared to most people in the world. Before you start throwing numbers at me telling me how awful this country is to our poor, let me remind you that our "poor" are far richer than even our neighbors to the south of us who live in cardboard and tin shacks with no plumbing. Plus, if you did some research you would find that the number of truly poor people in the US are by far fewer than the government tells us.

Let's think about this on a daily routine basis. You get up, head toward the kitchen and perhaps plug in your coffee maker. You open the cupboard and have a choice on what you might want for breakfast. Or you head to the fridge and do the same. After breakfast you might put your dishes in the dishwasher before heading off to a shower with hot and cold running water. In the bedroom you open the closet where there are multiple articles of clothing to choose from and since today is your day off you pick out something casual and comfy. Today you are going to a movie with friends, or to that intriguing antique mall you drove by the other day. Right now though, your favorite radio station is offering a hundred dollars if you can call in with the answer to their quiz question.

Now lets look at someone who is truly in poverty, someone in a tin shack on the outskirts of a town say in Mexico. They get up and the first thing they have to do is take the bucket to the town well and get some water for drinking and washing. A fire has to be built to cook with, if they are lucky enough to have food. After a meager breakfast he has to decide where to go to find work so he can have money to buy food. His wife stays with the little ones, sweeping her dirt floor and sewing patches on the holes in their one set of clothing to make them last a little bit longer. He is gone for 16 hours and comes home with a handful of masa and a bone that can be simmered to get some broth and perhaps a tiny bit of meat.

In thinking about what we have, it occurred to me that even in the worst of disasters most people in our country can bounce back because we have insurance, and a government willing to step in and help, among some great church and civic organizations. Other countries aren't so lucky.

I believe that our country has been blessed by God, and will continue to be so if we do our part in showing gratitude for the blessings we truly have here. Gratitude is shown by how we treat others, by the way we care for what we have, and share what we have. Gratitude is shown in our willingness to get down on our knees and thank Him for what we do have, and then getting off our knees and making life better for someone else. We show our gratitude by working hard, and teaching, yes expecting others to work if they can. That we have the freedom to work and play is such a gift! So today, would you please take a moment and talk to your children, grandchildren and loved ones about what the US means to you?

May we all have a safe and Happy Independence Day.

Manic Monday

How I looked when I woke up this morning, due to the humidifier air drifting on to my face all night. It's one of those Mondays, when people get up cranky, with a wild hair, and it wasn't just me. I had to tell someone not so nicely to not get mad over stupid stuff, especially when the people they get snippy with are the ones doing the most to take care of them and keep them safe. But, onward and upward, hopefully when I get to school, the rest of the morning will go a bit smoother. I really hate confrontation, but some folks have to be set straight, or they mistreat you. Ugh!
Tonight is Vegetarian Lasagne night, we shall see how it goes. If it's good I will share, otherwise, the recipe will go into the circular file. For now, have a great day! The sun is out here so that's something to look forward to.

Living a Happy Life No Matter What Comes.....

Life throws many twists and turns at us, especially when we don't expect it. The theme at church yesterday seemed to center on that topic as all talks and lessons were geared towards trials and how we handle them with faith and grace.
Lately I've been anything but graceful and it's been hard to remember to be grateful because of pain. My foot blew out on me and then the back went wearing a brace at night to hold the foot steady. Ugh! Bad timing as we are supposed to be moving into my mother-in-laws home to help take care of her, but with the 110 miles between our two places I'm living in two homes trying to get one ready to move into, and one packed to move stuff out of. That's another challenge as some things will go north to our Oregon home, and some to Mom's. So here I am, a crippled up grandma, trying to juggle all the balls thrown at me right now.

I suppose I could sit down and cry, and believe me, there have been times that the pain has had me in tears, or I could listen to the doctors and learn a new lesson in patience. If I don't listen to them I may end up worse off than I am now, sooooo I will learn to enjoy the down time. I am able to hobble around the yard and do a bit of gardening, if I'm careful of how I get up and down and bend. I can sit with Mom at night and crochet pretty things while watching Jeopardy and Wheel of Fortune, or Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

I came to a new sense of gratitude as Mom and I enjoyed chicken salad sandwiches and fresh fruit for lunch. I'm not sure what got us on this topic, but she mentioned a family member who wouldn't talk to his brother, and when the brother died, they had never had a chance to make peace. I mentioned some of my family members and how they are angry, or hurt, or hold me at arms length for events that happened years ago, that caused everyone a lot of pain and anguish. It's been hard to deal with the one person who uses me as a punching bag because she can't get over the loss of our mother and rather than be mad at our real mom she takes it out on me. Then there are those who don't want to spend much time around me and hold me at arms length because I remind them of Mom. What they don't understand though, and have forgotten is the pain our mother went through in her life due to abusive people, and they won't accept that she was living in anguish because no one would face the truth and help her work through her pain. What's even sadder, is that they don't know that all the pain and anguish and suffering will be washed away when we go back home to Heavenly Father. All the evil, the ugliness and heartache will melt away and we will be able to live together with a peace we can't even imagine right now. I'm so thankful to know that.

So, how do I help them get beyond the pain? We have so much to live for right here on earth! There have been too many years that have flown by with missed opportunities to make memories and glean a bit of what it will be like in the hereafter. Oh, I reach out on occasion, and I get the occasional card or note in return, but I often feel like the annoying puppy, nipping at the ankles of the nearest human, seeking attention only to be brushed off when I get too close. Funny thing, I wonder if anyone knows that I have feelings as well sometimes. But let's not go off on a pity party, because that is not productive and only wastes time.

I know that some of my friends and family wonder why I'm Mormon. Family, pure and simple. We believe that family is central to the gospel plan for us. We believe that we have a Heavenly Father and a Heavenly Mother, and that we will be able to work out all our earthly family strife, if not here, on the other side. Justice and mercy will be served in a godly manner, with compassion and love. If our own family has a hard time connecting with us here on earth, there is always a ready made family within the confines of church fellowship.

Sure, there are those who get caught up in the what and how of living a gospel centered life, but it's the why that matters. People matter, love matters. When we leave this life, the only thing that will matter, the only thing we take with us is our relationships with those we love, be they in or out of our immediate family.

It can be hard to focus on what truly matters when physical pain, or strife hit's us up side the head, but I like what President Dieter F. Uchtdorf said at conference last year about not walking around with our eyes on the ground, but looking up and seeing the beauty that surrounds us. We should share what we see with those we love. My mother-in-law says her father was always coming home with a branch or twig, or pretty leaf to share with his 8 children after a hard day of work. When I ask her what makes her happy, one of the things she mentions is nature. Her father gave her that gift. My mother did the same for us.

As my pain slowly subsides, and I toddle around precariously, trying to do my daily tasks and pace myself, I hope I can remember that I'm still walking, albeit not very far but I'm walking, that I still can garden, I can still drive, paint, sing, call someone, play Upwords with Mom, love on my husband, and so the list goes. How about you? What challenges are you trying to work through right now? What makes you happy?

Late night confessions....

 I finally got my daughter's birthday present done...after her special day....sigh....
I so wanted to have this to her in time, but I found out that I didn't have the right tools. I tried drilling a hole with a regular bit but it didn't make much of a dent. Rats! Oh sure, I sent her a card, but I was really hoping to get this out to her sooner. Living in Wendover you don't have much in the way of options. It's either order online, or go to the city. After searching the internet, and looking high and low in Salt Lake City, I found a drill bit I needed to put holes in the pendant I made from a broken plate.

 My girls used to tell me they wanted my dishes when I didn't any more, so here is the first installment....lol. I've been saving my broken dishes with plans to do different things with them and was so excited that I finally found a way to drill holes in the pieces after I smoothed the edges with a grinder.

I can't wait to get back to Wendover as I've got several pendants and charms started with my plate pieces, and am itching to make some jewelry among other things.
For now, it's back to rousing Upwords tournaments with my MIL, and tending to her and my FIL. I'm praying Dad will be able to sleep tonight so I can. This dying stuff is not for wimps, and old sailors die hard. I've probably said that before, but I'm sleep deprived so you'll forgive me for repeating myself won't you? Poor fella is praying to go quickly as he is miserable, and we don't blame him. We pray for him as well. He had a blessing today in which he was told he was a good man and lived a good life and Heavenly Father is aware of his trials. He will go when it's time. For now, I get the blessings of serving, and once in a while I can create something that hopefully brings a spot of joy to someone else. It's time for bed...I wish you sweet dreams and hopefully a good Monday.

A Mother's Hope & Prayers

 Today as I sat in church watching the Primary children sing to their mothers I thought about all of you and wanted to share my feelings with you. I remember when you used to sing the same songs and it really tugged at my heart and brought back sweet memories.

My Dearest Bryan,
From the moment I first held you in my arms I could feel the gift of God in you. A shining light had been sent to us and we hardly knew what to do with you. Born a little man, so strong, so quick to develop both physically and mentally we surely fell short of the blessing you are to us. Even though I had siblings I never knew a baby who could make his way across the floor when only a month old, or who could pull up when told to at 2 months old. I surely wasn't ready for a baby who found me, where ever I was in the apartment, and just wanted to hang out at my feet. No, you didn't want me to hold you, you just wanted to explore. You saved the holding for nursing times, and when your dad came home from work. You two would fall asleep in the rocker and I would wonder why you couldn't do that with me during the day. When you started pulling yourself up on the furniture at 6 months and then crawling 4 days later I was starting to think I'd given birth to a little superman. You could down a whole peanut butter and jelly sandwich as well as a banana at one sitting! At 8 months you started sounding out words and by 9 months you could tell me that you wanted chee, juice, appew, and nana. Thank goodness you walked at 10 1/2 months as I was fairly far along with Stephanie and you weighed 25 lbs by that time. The only reason it took you so long to walk on your own was that you were so fast with crawling and running around the edges of furniture you didn't slow down long enough to learn to walk, so we made you! :-) At 2 you were "reading" stories back to me in amazing accuracy, and could counter my saying 1 with 2, and when I would say 3 you could say 4, and so on up to 10. I know we certainly fell short of giving you all the learning experiences you needed as you were a born sponge when it came to learning. You could read from the scriptures, KJV, by the time you were 5. You have been blessed with talents beyond measure! You have been a blessing beyond measure in my life.

Dear Sweet Stephanie,
You were such a breath of fresh air in a tiny little angel after 16 months of trying to keep up with Bryan! So sweet and good natured, you rarely cried. I would sometime wake up in the middle of the night and touch your tiny body laying in the bassinet beside me as you were so quiet! When you did wake up, even as a tiny newborn, you would coo and chatter with such abandon and always seemed so happy. For months we worried over your continual ear infections, but you rarely if ever fussed or cried even when sick. So quick to smile and giggle, you were so wonderfully a baby in every sense. Soft, sweet, cuddly and loving. You were very forgiving of your brother when he would try and take toys away from you. I could always count on finding you in a box or a drawer somewhere, sitting there playing by yourself, happy as a lark. You would give me that funny lopsided smile and keep on playing, not wanting to be bothered. The queen of mud pies, you could make a mess better and bigger than your brother ever thought of doing. As you got a bit older you struggled a bit with shyness, for no reason I should add. You turned your shyness into a strength when you broke free of it through singing. You have a voice I always wanted, with a full range where I'm weak. You have a way of drawing people to you with your sociality and friendliness. For whatever reason, people just like to give you things, as you must surely give them something they need. You have a way of looking at things that make us all think a little differently and open up our minds a bit more to other possibilities. Your joyful giggle and crooked smile will always melt my heart!

My Amanda,
So different in some ways from your older brother and sister, with a unique spirit as similar and yet individual as they. My Indian baby I've always called you as I knew you were meant to be, just like they were. I saw you in a dream one day with very dark hair so when you were born, I knew we were done having children as you were to be the last. Champion to small animals and lost souls, you have always had a heart so soft it would break at least once a week if not more. I still remember the little pet cemetery you created at the side of our driveway, and how you would make little caskets for your deceased pets out of soda cans you cut open. You would make a soft bed of tissue and gently lay your little furry friends in them, and then pull the cover over and bury them, marking the graves with sticks and wildflowers from the yard. Christmas was always a wonder with your excitement. Taking you to see Santa was a highlight as you would yell through the mall, look there's Santa! and run up to him fearless. The first time we took you trick or treating you were so amazed at the generosity of people you would run back to the van, "Look Mom and Dad, they gave me candy, they gave me candy!!!" We could always tell when Spring had finally hit North Pole as you would run inside the house yelling, "A bug, a bug, it's a bug!!!", as you fled the mosquitoes that inevitably showed up. We could always count on you for drama, as if something was really, really, great, then other things were really, really, awful! You still make us laugh, cry and feel with you as you agonize over friends and loved ones.

To all of you here are my hopes and prayers. I hope and pray that you will remember the goodness of God, and the gifts he has given us. I hope and pray that you will realize the talents you have so fully been blessed with, and will continue to nurture those tender feelings you have for those around you through your talents. I hope and pray that you will remember the touch of your child's hand on your face, or the tiny arms around your neck and know that they are gifts of angels. I hope and pray that you will pray, and ask for divine guidance, as I know without a doubt that your prayers will be answered and you will find peace and joy as you turn to God. I hope and pray that someday we can all be a celestial family as I know that families are meant to be forever, and that God has so much for us, if we will choose his gift. I hope and pray, that you will know how much I love and cherish you. I hope and pray that you know how you have all made my life so much richer, because you are a part of it. I hope and pray that you will know how much I wish I could see you and talk you to and spend time with you. I love you more than you really know.
Love,
Mom

How Do I Tell Them....

There is a weight on my mind that presses down on me in the middle of the night as I lay in bed trying to get back to sleep after getting up for a drink of water. Something I want to say to someone I love very much, but don't know how to tell them without making matters worse. A little child is suffering right now as they wait for their missing parent to take them home. This little one keeps asking when they can go home as they aren't happy with being where they are now, especially since the light of their life has gone elsewhere. A little heart is breaking because someone thought it more important to chase an empty dream that will never be realized. The distance between all of us is tearing me apart as I can't be there to help this little one understand. I hear the stories of what is happening in the new place where this little one has moved and it frightens me to think of what could happen and what is already happening. How do I tell this to the one that I love that sin and selfishness never brings lasting happiness and the most important thing a child needs is two parents close by to love them. Little ones care little about success or following dreams, they want their parents. They need security, hugs, boundaries, a sense of belonging and that is destroyed when a parent goes away for whatever the reason. Satan is loving this as he has destroyed another family by urging both parents to be selfish and unyielding in their desires for worldly pleasures.
Heavenly Father is watching over this little one I know but it still doesn't help to see and hear the pain this little child is going through. Faith is all I have right now to hold on to as time seems to be putting more and more distance between all of us. We are praying for a miracle for this little one, would you say some prayers as well? Thank you.....

Happy Birthday Blessed Loved Ones

I know that in most religions Christmas is the official birthday of the Savior, but for the members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints it is today, April 6. Thank you dear Savior for being willing to come to earth and live as a mortal being in order to lead us back home. May we always remember the blessings we enjoy  and show our gratitude by our actions.

Another birthday wish goes out to my mom, and my children's other grandma Evelyn. Though both have gone home to live in God's presence they are loved and remembered for their sweet, kind and gentle natures. We love you Moms!

We will miss you little boy....

It was such a hard week last week! Bryan left for Portland so we helped Emmett and his mommy get ready for their move to Arizona. Emmett has been such a huge part of our lives for 2 and a half years. He's brought laughter, joy, amazement, wonder and love by the bucketfuls. If I've been remiss in keeping up with my blog posting it's been because we haven't quite known how to deal with the breakup of his parents and the moves. I see pieces of Emmett all over the place, from his alphabet magnets on the fridge to the beach ball in our bedroom. He left his binky, so I had to throw it away. Oh Emmett, we are praying for a miracle for you! Don't forget the prayer you and grandpa said on the corner the other night. Don't forget to pray. We love you so much!

The Games We Play..... the life of a grandma

Today I've been cursed by a wizard, saved by super heroes, found treasure with pirates, took a ride on a motorboat and played "ring around the roses" with a queen. I've worn a sweater with touches of blended fruit and mashed peas, cleaned several sets of hands, and wiped a few fannies over and over again. I've been hit, hugged, slobbered on, and kissed. An adventurous life for sure, and I'm grateful for every moment I have that I can spend with my grandson and the babies I tend.

Greyson's Gift

I originally wanted to share a recipe and some reflections with you today, but decided this was far more important. Earlier this year a dear friend's daughter lost a baby. The mommy, Meryntha, has turned her heartache into a positive though by starting a volunteer project to make preemie blankets for hospitals. Please visit Meryntha's site and see how you can help. If you can sew you can do this! Thank you! http://greysonsgift.blogspot.com

Natalie Cole and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir

I'm so excited to be going to the Mormon Tabernacle Choir and The Wondrous Gift of Christmas
Christmas Concert! Natalie Cole will be performing as the featured guest artist, wow! My hubby got online right when the ticket lottery opened and we found out that we got tickets! I love Natalie Cole, and the performances for the choir Christmas events are always spectacular. Even better is that it's free! So we get a top notch performer, the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, as well as twice Pulitzer Prize winning author David McCullough all in one and all we have to do is show up with our tickets. To learn more about these performances as well as others that might be coming up stop by here: http://www.lds.org/events/info/0,8197,726-1-740,00.html
Are you going to see any Christmas plays or concerts? We've been to see The Christmas Carole before at the Hale Center Theatre, as well as other concerts on Temple Square in Salt Lake City. The lights around the temple, as well as the creche displays are incredible. The conference center is decorated beautifully, and it's the perfect place to share the spirit of the season. My next years goal is to find a performance of Handel's Messiah. Or have my hubby get me the CD....lol. How about you? Are you going to see any Christmas plays or concerts? What do you like to do with family and friends this time of year?

Venison Anyone?

This last summer a neighbor shared some venison and elk steaks from her last Autumn's hunting trip. It brought back so many memories from my youth of tall bottles of canned venison and jerky made from the deer Mom got when she went hunting with friends. We loved the jerky, and the way she knew how to make venison with gravy and tiny potatoes. It made me want to go hunting too.

Some friends from church gave us about 25 pounds of venison after their hunting trip last week. I was so tickled! I was able to get 12 pints of canned meat, a huge batch of jerky, and enough left over for several pounds of burger and sausage. This is some nice deer meat, it was quite a large deer, and you can tell that my friends know how to take care of it. My Kitchenaide mixer has a nice food grinder attachment so I can do this at home. Almost everything is done but the sausage, which I am now going to find a recipe for. For dinner we are having venison chili, yay!

The rest of the story- It's a family tradition for my friends to go hunting each year. There are 5 brothers and their wives and families. They circle the campers and go out on their 4 wheelers to hunt. They were quite successful this year and so most of their freezers will be full. The brother that shared with us doesn't really like the meat except in jerky form, so he will keep what they need for jerky and give away the rest to those who might need the meat. Why did we get some? Well the wife was supposed to be here to help with our Super Saturday, but asked to bow out so she could go. Her husband wanted her there, and since they have a son on a mission right now, they thought it would be important for for all who could to go. I jokingly said I wanted some jerky, and they were way more than generous. As for me, I am very grateful to be able to relive memories of the past because of their generosity. We have already sampled some of the finished jerky and it is delicious! If you would like the recipes drop me a note.

What Matters Most.....

A wonderful video that hopefully will remind us that happiness isn't measured in the fashions we wear, the house we own, the car we drive, fame, or the entertainment we enjoy.
May it touch your heart, as it has me. WHAT MATTERS MOST

An Unexpected Surprise!

Life is so full of unexpected surprises and this was just floored me. The other day I happened to be in a second hand/antique shop looking at some beautiful old china. I got to thinking about Mom's china, that had dissapeared 40 years ago during the turmoil in our lives at the time. We thought that my second stepdad has tossed it so we gave it up as lost. Well I've always wondered if I would ever stumble across it on my jaunts through the local stores here in Oregon, but I realized I wouldn't even recognize it if I saw it.
My stepsister called me a few days later and said she had a surprise for me. She was out visiting my stepbrother where he and his wife happened to be cleaning out the garage. He mentioned to my sis he had "Nancy's" china, and asked her if she wanted it or should he get rid of it. She then asked him if he didn't think I might want it and he had an OH, DUH moment. Sid is such a nice fella but men just don't think that way sometimes. The upshot of all of this is that I now have my mother's china, that has been gone for so very long. I am still in shock as I really never expected this, but I am also planning a meal where we can use it. I do plan on using it for special occasions as that is what I believe we should do. Mom would want it that way I'm sure, as life is too short to keep things shut away and not used. My children don't have any memories of the china as they never met Mom, so it's time to make memories with it! Oh, and the photo above is of one of the pieces from the set.

Letting go....

It's hard to believe that just 9 months ago Dad came out to Wendover to see the air show and go for a ride on a b-25? bomber. He was still doing well even though he had a pace maker he was getting around and taking care of himself and Mom with no problem. This morning Kent called me in a panic as his mom had just called him to come back to Tooele as Dad had fallen and she couldn't get him up. Luckily Kent had only gotten as far as Grantsville on his way to Wendover so he rushed back and found Dad prone with blood pooled around one arm. He was okay, but had really scraped his arm during the fall so Kent helped get him bandaged up. Mom is not able to take care of him as she is mostly blind, deaf and anorexic so we are trying to get them home health care but they keep fighting it.
So what do we do now? I called Dad's physician to get help and we shall see what the evaluation will be. I don't expect Dad to be around much longer so we will probably have Kent stay with his parents and care for them in July just in case. We are praying that what is best for Dad will happen. Which means that he may go quickly. So how to I help Kent and Paula and everyone let go? And how can they help Dad let go? Dad is weary and weak from being wracked with arthritic pain. One of the fiercely independent generation that went through WWII he feels useless and a burden. But he worries about Mom and what will happen to her. So he must feel caught, he can't eat very well, doesn't taste the food anymore as his taste buds are shot, can't do things physically that he was doing right up to a year ago, and yet there's Mom. Along with all her health issues she is somewhat senile, which is understandable for their age. I'm sure that Dad doesn't want to leave her and it makes it hard for him. If you believe, and have a moment today, would you mind sending a prayer up on their behalf?

No! No! No!

We have a new favorite word around our house this week. Well, actually two. Mo, or no, depending on Emmett's mood. He is so close to being 2 and boy can we tell. He says no to almost everything, or "Mo", depending. We try to find ways to redirect him instead of saying no all the time to him, but sometimes it's not possible.
So I got to thinking about why it is that children start saying no right around the age of 2. As they realize they have power to control a bit of their lives, they test that at every opportunity. Sometimes they will say no, just to say it. As adults we try to give our children and grandchildren opportunities to grow, or to learn, and we try to keep them safe. We try to give them guidelines and set boundaries based on what they can and can't handle, or what is safe. They will often times say "no" to our limits, or freedoms, depending on their sense of what is fair, or what they want. It made me think about how often we say "no" to God, when he sends us guidelines, or opportunities to grow and learn. Or even the opportunity to learn where we came from, and where we go after this life. Most often though, it has to do with a selfish desire to gain "something" in spite of the fact that we know deep in our hearts that it may be unwise, unhealthy or destructive for us. As adults we have freedoms that are not always good for us. We see more and more the push to get society to accept certain behaviors as okay or normal, based on what is desirable to those pushing these at us. They behave like tantrum throwing toddlers, and want us to accept their behavior while calling us bigoted for believing in a higher, more spiritual law. The very sad dimension to this is that when we live in conflict with what is moral or right, we throw away the opportunity for something more precious, more permanent and lasting, satisfying and sure, than any earthly, physical or temporal pleasure will ever give us. Sometimes, we just have to say no to ourselves to gain the better more peaceful way. When we live as we are supposed to, we don't have to push our agenda in anyone's face. We have a peace of mind that can't be bought.
There are times that we will have to stand up for right and say no to those who push too hard. Let's not be afraid to do that.
For now, I get to decide whether Emmett really means "Mo", or "no".

Wonderful weekend!

What a beautiful Sunday it was! Warm, sunny and perfect for an Easter celebration. Even the peach trees dressed for the occasion. We started the day with Easter Doves. A soft and slightly sweet almond flavored, honey glazed sweet roll shaped like doves.
Before church I got a roast ready in my dutch oven. The recipe called for bunches of fresh sage and rosemary, the fragrance of which filled the apartment with a deliciously tantalizing fragrance.
After church and dinner we hid eggs in the yard for Emmett. He is a quick study and found them quickly. He would imitate mommy who was saying, "Hmmmm, I wonder where they are?" and tap his chin with his finger.

He was down to the last egg when Rudy Miss Patooty with the big fat booty, and Molly the moocher came wandering down from their place.

Rudy is much friendlier to Emmett than Molly.
And yes! He was able to giver her a kiss!
Grandchildren make holidays so wonderful! Their delight in the world around them is enough to melt anyone's heart.

Blogs of Note....... and peaches and cream oatmeal

I took an opportunity to check out the blogs of note list on my blog dashboard, and am amazed at what folks think is noteworthy. There was a young mom lamenting the fact that her husband is unhappy with her right now. In her post she referred to her life in not so charming terms, using letters to represent swear words. Her big thing was that hubby was unhappy about her having photos of an ex. When you look further, in a previous post she shares how she and the 14 month old baby have been sharing the bed for months, while hubby is on the sofa. Well it doesn't take a rocket scientist to understand the real issue. The husband feels replaced by the baby, and is finding every other thing to blame as it's hard to blame your own child. A blog of note? Not sure why.

Here's a little tip from a not so noteworthy blog, but one you can feel assured that even your child could read....:-)

When the kidlets were young I made sure they had a lot of variety for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I love oatmeal, but my children werent't as crazy about it, so as I was cooking said cereal I would add a dollup of peach or banana, or other jam to pre-sweeten it. Whalaa, our own homegrown version of peaches and cream oatmeal! Someone may ask why I don't just buy it already made that way, well I like to know what my children are eating, and it's certainly much cheaper to do it this way. Call me stingy or cheap, but hey those pennies don't come easy! Try it the next time you want hot cereal for breakfast.